Extracurricular Activities
by Moczo
Summary: Beacon Academy, a school for Huntsmen and Huntresses to learn to do battle with the darkest forces in all the world. It is a place filled with stories of adventure and horror, sorrow and hope, deep and meaningful tales that explore the human condition. These are not those stories. These are any silly, stupid drabbles that come to my twisted mind. But hey, it's something.
1. Extracurricular Activities

**Author's Note: I wrote basically this entire thing yesterday, in the space of one hour, about twenty minutes after eating a dessert the local bakery called 'Tower of Brownies'.  
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**That should tell you all you need to know. **

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><p><em><strong>Extracurricular Activities<strong>_

**(*)**

"And finally, we have Pyrrha Nikos," Emerald said, opening up the last file for the night.

Cinder smirked, continuing to work on her sewing without any visible concern. "Ah yes, the invincible girl."

"She's smart," Mercury said with a shrug. "I wouldn't say invincible."

Cinder smiled, her expression one of a cat seeking prey as the idea of a weakness was presented to her. "Do tell."

"Her semblance is Polarity, but… you'd never know just by watching," Emerald said.

"After she made contact with my boot," Mercury added, "she was able to move them around however she wanted. But she only made _slight _adjustments."

"Hmmm. Interesting. Yang implied as much during Ultimate Frisbee in the quad," Cinder acknowledged, "but it's glad to confirm it. Add her to the list."

"Sure th—wait, what?" Emerald said, her thumb freezing halfway to the button on her Scroll.

"Ultimate Frisbee. It's a game where you…"

"I know what Ultimate Frisbee is, Cinder!" Emerald said, a small bit of panic entering her voice, as though she had seen an extra foot spontaneously erupt from Cinder's forehead. "Why do _you_?"

Cinder blinked. "Well, of course I have to pass for a student. I mingled. Stop being ridiculous."

"I think… I think what Emerald was implying is that you're not… I mean you… not so much the _Frisbee _type, per se…?" Mercury said. Or asked. It wasn't totally clear.

Cinder rolled her eyes. "Children. Please. I have to maintain my cover, just like everyone else. The mysterious student who never leaves her room and never interacts with anyone would be noticed immediately. By putting on a bit of faux-socialization, I blend in far more seamlessly for our work. It means nothing but a momentary inconvenience," she said, putting another stitch into her project.

Emerald nodded, the shock of the moment being dispelled by Cinder's cool logic. "Yeah, okay. That makes sense, it's just… y'know. It was a little weird, since you never…. With _us_, is all…"

"Because it is all pointless, and you should remember that," Cinder warned. "We are working. You two don't have any time to goof off."

"Right. Right. Can't be goofing…" Emerald began, only to be cut off as she jumped halfway out of her skin by the door slamming open.

"Cin-dawg!" Yang Xiao Long shouted, barreling into the room. "How is mah _girl?!_"

"Daaaaaaamn girl, you need to knock! I don't want you to see me hanging out with someone less _awesome than you!_" Cinder squealed, jumping to her feet and engaging Yang in an elaborate series of fist-bumps that lasted roughly forty seconds. "So are we still on for tomorrow?"

Emerald's jaw looked like it would detach from her head and go through the floor.

"You _know _it, sistah! Biggest street race of the season and you and I got front row seats," Yang said with a grin. "I had to beat down a few guys for the location, and Junior's club is a little burned, but nobody cares about that. What we _do _care about is hot guys and hotter cars while rubbing elbows with some of the worst crowds in town! Is that a rush, or is that a _rush_?"

Cinder laughed, and high-fived Yang, and Mercury questioned if he was dreaming all this. Yes, a nightmare seemed very likely. "Xiao Long, you are _crazy, _but damn if I don't love it. I will be there and I'll be dressed so hot those bad boys won't even notice you're standing next to me."

"That's my gal! See ya when I see ya!" Yang cheered, strolling out of the room like she owned it and slamming the door behind her.

Cinder took a deep breath, and sat down. "Now. For the next phase of the plan, you two will…"

"I… I… I… I… I…" Emerald said.

"The Hell was that?!" Mercury snapped.

"Do _not _take that tone with me," Cinder said coldly. "I told you, I have been working undercover to build connections among the students. It requires some undignified interactions. I've been working just as hard as you two ha-"

"Like Hell! We've been fighting students and going to insanely tedious classes and generally just watching and cataloguing _everything_ for you, while you have been hanging out at car shows and flirting with random dudes?"

"First of all, it is a car _race, _not a car _show_," Cinder said. "And second, you think I derive any enjoyment from the insipid drivelings of pitiful students and small time hoodlums? You think I take any _joy _from any of this? You simple-minded dolt, I should-" she cut off, then, as her scroll beeped. "Excuse me, I have to take this."

"But-"

She held up a silencing palm, and said, "Hello, Cinder speaking? _Weissy! _Oh, how _are _you dear? Finally picked out your dress? Hmmmm? Oh, you got that one! I _told _you it was the best one for you, it brought out your eyes like nothing else in the store. Except for all those luscious shoes, of course, haha! Of course we'll need to go back after the dance, I saw the most marvelous pendant that I simply _have _to have, but I couldn't carry one single thing more! And this time we simply _must _bring little Blake, that ribbon of hers is screaming for a new hairdo," Cinder squealed.

Yes, squealed.

"The _fuck_?" Emerald said, finally able to get a word out past her lips again.

"No, no, I'm not doing anything important, I can talk," Cinder said with a giggle, reclining on her stomach on the bed and kicking her feet casually in the air. "Sooo, what unlucky sap are you going to completely outshine when you bring them to the dance this weekend? Oh, no. Oh _no! _Weissy, Neptune _Vasilias? _Weiss-yyyyy, he is just an absolute cad! Why you know I saw him flirting with that Velvet girl not two days ago? I swear it's true. You _know _I wouldn't lie to you dear, that BFF necklace we got isn't for show!"

Mercury choked on something. Maybe just air, though it was equally possible he hadn't remembered to breathe and it was just his tongue.

"Oh, Weissy, I never _can _talk you out of anything. If your heart is set on this Vasilias, you go and you snare him. Perhaps that stunning dress will finally make an honest man out of him," Cinder said. There was silence as she listened to the other side of the conversation for a few moments, before giggling helplessly. "Oh, _Weiss-y! _'Not too honest'? Dear, you are an absolute _scandal! _Well, I know you have a lot of homework to do for that dreary Port's class, so I'll let you go. Hugs and kisses, talk to you later!" Cinder said, clicking the scroll off. "Now. Where were we?"

"_BFF necklace?!" _Emerald shrieked.

"Hm? Oh, yes, Weiss insisted. I could hardly say _no, _it would have blown my cover," Cinder said with a shrug. "See? I told you I was working."

"You! Were! _Shopping_!"

"And it was difficult. You have no idea how many shoes I had to carry," Cinder said evenly. "But it was worth it. Weiss Schnee will be a fantastic contact within the school, and I cultivated her."

"You helped her pick out a _prom dress!_" Emerald snarled. "Why didn't I get a prom dress, huh? _Huh?!_"

"Don't be insipid. I do what I do because we must infiltrate every corner of Beacon, every crevice of the academic institution. I am not playing some game, I am putting more work and effort into every second than you two have put into your entire time here! How do you think we have learned so much of the students? It was my masterful infiltration, of which every second has been a dark, labyrinthine plot to-"

A knock came on the door. "Oh, sorry. I think that's for me," Cinder said, getting up from her bed again. She opened the door with a bounce in her step, smiling as Pyrrha entered bearing a tray.

"Hello there, Cinder! I know it's a little late, but Ren just finished making pancakes for Nora's Midnight Breakfastravaganza, and I thought you might want some," Pyrrha said with a smile. Her gaze turned to Emerald and Mercury, and faltered. "Oh! Um, I'm sorry. I didn't think, I don't have enough for your friends…"

"It's _fine_, dear, they're not really my friends. More like a study group," Cinder said warmly.

"_What?!" _Emerald squeaked. Mercury just made a few extremely angry sounds that really didn't translate into any words, though one of them was oddly similar to 'groundhog' if you heard it with one ear plugged.

"And you know, even if it _is _a little rude, I would hardly turn down one of Ren's pancakes!" she continued, taking the tray from Pyrrha eagerly and cutting off a forkful of the steaming pastry. "Mmmmm… oh, they are just heavenly, even without syrup."

"Yes, I apologize for that. Nora…" Pyrrha began.

"Oh, that girl is just a menace. She's lucky she's such a gifted musician or there would be no living with her," Cinder said with a sigh.

_Musician…? _Mercury mouthed silently, images of a girl smashing his ribs with a giant hammer while she cackled madly filling his mind. Analyzing Nora had not been one of the _fun _tests.

"And she does make wonderful hot chocolate!" Pyrrha said. "She… drinks it all, but…"

"As I said, a _menace_," Cinder said firmly, handing the tray and its devoured contents back to Pyrrha. "Still, dear, a _lovely _gesture. You are a _saint_. We are still on for the water park next weekend? I think it will be nice to get out and have some fun without all the pressure of this dance and that silly tournament hanging over us."

"_Oh, come on!" _Emerald screamed, her tone somewhere between rage and absolute sorrow.

"It _does _sound grand," Pyrrha said, a bit nervously. "Um… would your friends like to…?"

"Actually, we-" Mercury began.

"No, I'm afraid the poor dears _despise _swimming. And beside, far too much homework on their plates," Cinder said with a chuckle. In a conspiratorial whisper, she said, "_Not the brightest students, these two." _

"I. That. You. I. That. It. But. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate…" Mercury murmured, his right eye twitching slightly.

"Have a lovely evening, Pyrrha, dear," Cinder said warmly. "And thank you again!" she closed the door, smiled, and whirled on Mercury and Emerald like a cat turning on a mouse that had just taunted it. "You little _imbeciles! _What was _that?!_"

"That was you! Having breakfast for dinner and making plans to hang out at the pool!" Mercury shrieked, his voice going maybe a little higher than was sane. "We have to fight people! And catalogue 1,200 students! And go to classes all day to learn things we already know! And you… _you!_"

"I… that is… Cinder…" Emerald said. "I think what he's _trying _to say is… the division of labor here is a bit… … _off…?" _

"Division of labor? Division of _labor?_!" Cinder snarled. "I work tirelessly. From sun up, to sun down. To bring my dream to _reality. _And you complain because I am not doing enough for your delicate sensibilities?! You cannot imagine the sacrifices I have made, the plans, the alliances in the shadows I have had to forge! Roman _Torchwick_? Ha! There are a thousand more just like him, all over the world, each one of them dancing to my tune. I am like unto a _goddess, _you simple things of flesh and bone. I have achieved power you cannot begin to imagine, and I shall achieve more, and I worked _ceaselessly _for every iota of it! You do _not _question my judgment, and you do not accuse me of giving this plan anything more or less than _utmost seriousness _or I will-"

She was cut off, then, by a knock on the door.

Very slowly, Mercury said, "Do not. Open. That."

"Please. We're _begging _you," Emerald said. "If you value our respect, if you have _ever _respected us in turn. Please."

Cinder pondered this for a second. Then, she got up and opened the door. Emerald sobbed a little.

"Ruby, sweetie!" Cinder said, opening her arms wide to give the smaller girl a hug, and prompting a sound from Emerald that was slightly less melodic than a cat having a hairball. "What _are _you doing here?"

"Um… it's just… Yang said it was… done, so…" Ruby said, blushing furiously.

Cinder gasped, before giggling slightly. "Oh! Silly me, and here I was working on it all night too. Of course, it's right here." She sauntered over to her bed and picked up the item she had been sewing during the meeting, holding it up and open to reveal a lovely black and red dress, just Ruby's size.

Ruby blushed. "Aw, jeez. I really wish you hadn't done that…"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, dear. I had all the time in the world, and it's not like I have anyone else lining up for my dresses!" Cinder scoffed. Emerald sqeezed her hands into fists so hard a trickle of blood began to drip out. "I love to sew, and you absolutely will look _lovely _in it. Take it, wear it proudly, and make all the rest of us at the dance look like plain old maids."

Ruby sighed. "That's easy for you to say. You're all glamorous, like Weiss or Yang! I'm not… really a _formalwear _girl, you know? I feel more at home in a hood fighting Grimm."

Cinder placed her hands on her hips firmly. "Ruby Rose. You are a beautiful and talented young woman, and you look _wonderful _no matter what you wear. And you _know _it, so this constant lack of confidence in your own specialness is _vexing_."

Ruby giggled. "Now you _really _sound like Yang. Only… fancier."

"Well, I have been hanging around her a lot," Cinder said.

"No, it's more than that," Ruby said confidently. "I bet you'd have been a _great _big sister, if you'd had like… someone younger looking up to you."

Cinder laughed heartily. "I _know. _Too bad there aren't any people like that, right?"

Mercury kind of vibrated, like he really, _really _wanted to get up and hurt someone, but wasn't sure _who. _Emerald just kept on making weird hacking noises, as the rage sort of poured out of her without her consent.

"I'll tell you what," Cinder said. "I'm not doing anything right now… how about we grab some ice cream and talk about this a little more? My treat."

Ruby perked up immediately. "Okay, almost worth wearing a dress!"

Cinder laughed, a sound clear and pure like a bell. "Oh, you little scamp. But this is serious, too. I will _get _you excited about this dance if it is the last thing I do."

"For enough Rocky Road," Ruby said sagely, "You can convince me of almost anything."

As Ruby turned to exit the room, Cinder looked down on Emerald and Mercury as if she was considering something. "Oh, right… the two of you…"

Slowly, hopefully, they looked up at her. A tiny hint of doubt slipped into Mercury's rage-filled gaze. Emerald looked like someone who had just seen the sun for the first time in years, as she stood shakily for the hug she had longed for all her life. She took a halting step forward…

And Cinder said, "I have a report due in Oobeck's class tomorrow, don't forget to write it for me while you look over the database again? And do a better job this time, Nikos was the only decent one you found tonight. Toodles!"

She followed Ruby out the door, slamming it behind her.

The silence was deafening. For several long minutes, it settled over the room, strangling all hope, until Mercury finally said, "You ever think we should form a union or something? Like for… better working conditions? I bet Torchwick would join, and that Neo girl seems nice. Quiet, but…"

"Hssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssarrrrrrrrrrrghble!" Emerald said, falling to her knees and slamming the database list of students into the floor again and again. "I had to buy my own dress!"

"Didn't you... steal the money you used, though?" Mercury asked.

"_Not the point! _I still had to buy it, and the tiny red maniac gets the personal artwork of Cinder?! Why no dress for Emerald, boss?! Huh? _Huh?! _**_Why no dress for Emerald_**_?! HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSGGGGGAARRRRGHLE" _

"…. So we'll discuss the union thing later, then later, then," Mercury said, wisely, as he opened his Scroll to start typing that report.


	2. Cinderblocked

**Author's Note: So, since I don't want to clutter up my profile, and the title actually fits any story set at Beacon, I've decided to turn this story into a sort of drabble dump. From now on, _Extracurricular Activities_ will be where I post any of my weird, goofy little RWBY one-shots that I feel are too small or too... off... to deserve their own posting. None of them will have anything to do with each other, unless I explicitly say so; they're just goofy. **

**I do a lot of goofy things. **

**(*)**

**Cinderblocked**

(*)

Cinder Fall looked on the image of the Queen chess piece flickering on the console, and smirked. The program had been completed in record time, and she had more than enough time to escape the building before Ironwood arrived. It wasn't that she wasn't certain of her ability to defeat him if she needed to, of course… but it was a little too soon for that.

This wasn't the time for the war to start. First, they needed to get just the right tools… and spread just the right amount of terror.

She stepped up from the console, preparing to move for the window and make her escape, when the elevator dinged. Cursing under her breath, she slipped behind a nearby wall, wondering if Ironwood had arrived sooner than Mercury and Emerald had predicted. Or another group of guards, even that absurd redheaded war machine, perhaps? She was certain she could defeat anyone that Beacon or Atlas had to offer, but she wasn't entirely certain she could defeat _all _they had to offer. If she was delayed too long, things could become very problematic. She would have to hope that whoever it was, they would not search carefully, giving her time to reach a window or an air duct before they called for…

"Um… hello?" a painfully young voice called. "Is anyone there? If you are… come out."

Oh. _Oh. _

Ruby _Rose. _The tiny childish thorn in her side who had only been growing sharper over the months, harrying Roman's operations at all points and gathering irritating little brats to her cause like moths to a particularly annoying flame. Ozpin's little _pet_.

Well, _some _fights were worth starting after all.

Cinder smirked, stepping into view, and struggling not to laugh at the ridiculous brat struggling to stand in high heels. Yes, this would be worth doing if she could get it done quickly enough. If only for the joy of imagining Ozpin's grief at the sight of his protégé's broken body.

"This isn't a masquerade party, so maybe you should take off that…" Ruby began, before cutting herself on and blinking in confusion. "Wait, Cinder? Is that you?"

Cinder moved her hand, gathering her power and calling up shards of glass to cut through her foe… and stopped dead as her mind registered what had just been said. "… Excuse me?"

"You're Cinder! One of the Mistral students. You were staying down the hall, weren't you? With, um Emerald, and… what's his name, that douchey guy who gave up after five seconds against Pyrrha." Ruby said.

"I'm not sure what you mean, little girl," Cinder said slowly. "My name is… Evilla. And I'm definitely not… who you think I am."

"Um, no, I can tell," Ruby said. "I mean, I know I only met you once or twice, but you're not really in disguise or anything."

"_What_?! I'm wearing a mask, and… I mean… noooooo, I'm not that person and we have never met," she said, with a cough. "Um. Evilla. Remember, I just said..."

"But… I can _see _you. That mask doesn't really cover anything," Ruby said, pointing at her face. "It kinda just like… an inch around your eyes? That doesn't disguise much. Especially since you have kinda weird eyes. They're all gold, but not pretty like Blake's, just creepy. Like you're possessed or something."

"_My eyes are not cree—_I mean to say, that is what I would say if I were this 'Cinder' person. But I'm not. And if I was, my feelings would be very hurt by these comments. You really should be nicer to your friends."

"Oh. Um. Awkward," Ruby said, blushing a little bit. "I didn't know you thought we were friends."

"… You don't?" Cinder asked. "I mean… you don't think… that you and Cinder are?"

"Well, I mean, you don't really have any friends," Ruby said, wincing with each word. "It's not that you're not nice! … Well, I mean, you're not. But I'm sure that isn't the reason that people call you the… … Ummm. Actually, I don't think I should say it. Yang likes it, and that tells me it probably isn't a very good nickname."

"What do they call your classmate Cinder?" Cinder asked flatly.

"… The wicked bitch of the east," Ruby said, looking everywhere except at Cinder. "You know. Because, um… you're from Mistral, which is to the east, and you're such a… erm. I swear I didn't make the name up."

"The _crap_?! What is wrong with these people?!" Cinder snapped. "I'm beautiful, I'm talented, I'm the best fighter in a six-hundred mile radius, and you're telling me I'm not popular?!"

"I… thought you weren't Cinder?"

"… You're telling me that if I was Cinder, I wouldn't be popular?!"

"Well," Ruby said. "The thing is, you never really seem to talk to anyone except Emerald and… I swear, I am _going _to remember his name. It's right on the tip of my tongue. I wanna say Melvin? You only talk to Emerald and Melvin. And they really aren't very popular either, so."

"Well, obviously _they _aren't popular, they're losers," Cinder said. "But they're really more like minions than friends. I thought people knew that."

"How could they? You never talk to them! People _try _to talk to you, but you ignore them. You cut in line to get lunch and then don't even eat it with anyone. When people ask you to help out with cleanup after classes or practice, you just tell them 'work is for lesser people' and walk away. _And _you don't return checked out library books! Even that jerk Cardin never stole books… though that might be because he's illiterate, I honestly am not sure," Ruby said. "And again, Emerald and Melvin aren't much better. I don't know if you noticed, but they kinda just passive-aggressively snark everyone who talks to them. It gets old faster than you'd think."

"… No, it does get old," Cinder admitted.

"And it doesn't help that people are creeped out by you," Ruby continued, "I mean, beyond the glowing yellow devil eyes and never interacting with anyone and plotting in your room with your secret cabal, you kind of look at people like a kid with a magnifying glass looks at ants, y'know? Kinda serial killer-y, overall. And then there's your weird hobbies!"

"_What _weird hobbies?"

"Dressing up like a dominatrix and breaking into buildings comes to mind."

"… This is a _spy catsuit_."

"Are you spying on someone who's been a very bad boy? Because seriously all you're missing is a whip. It's kind of blatant."

"How do you even _know _what a dominatrix is? You're like ten years old."

"Hey, I'm _fifteen_. And I have an older sister who is crazy and tells me things I shouldn't know, so it all works out in the end," Ruby protested. "Besides, I'll have you know that I'm _extremely _worldly and very adult. And I drink milk."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think it gives me good eyes?"

"That's carrots."

"Really? Because I don't eat many carrots, but I can still see you're Cinder dressed up like a dominatrix."

Cinder opened her mouth to retort to this, because apparently the notion she was supposed to be here spying had just left the building entirely, but then something kind of dragged the idea kicking and screaming back into the light. Which was to say, the elevator dinged.

General Ironwood, the head of the Atlas military academy, stepped into the room and blinked a few times. "Okay. Well. I know that soldiers have needs, but I'm fairly sure that schoolgirl-themed BDSM parties are _way _outside the acceptable behavior for guards on duty."

"Hey, _she's _the only one dressed like a dominatrix. I'm just adorably gothic," Ruby protested.

"I am _not dressed like a dominatrix!" _ Cinder snarled. "This is a _spy catsuit_!"

"For what? _Erotic Espionage 3: Deep Undercover_?" Ironwood asked.

"Oh, my sister likes that one!" Ruby offered, trying to remain relevant to the conversation. "She hides it under her bed, next to those _Ninjas of Love _books Blake thinks we don't know about. She won't let me watch it, though. She says that would be like pouring toxic sludge onto a basket of kittens."

"… Great. Well, porn aside, I think I've worked out who is on the side of the angels here. Ms. Rose, correct?"

"Yup! And the villain over there is Cinder, from down the hall," Ruby said cheerfully.

"Don't tell h- I mean… she doesn't know what she's talking about. And neither do _you, _Ironwood. You think yourself safe and secure in your citadel, surrounded by your toy soldiers and your brats playing Huntsman. You don't even know the _depths _of the darkness swirling around you, the agents that seek your e-"

"Well, we know that one of them is Cinder Fall, one of the exchange students here from Mistral for the tournament. Oh! And you should send someone to arrest Emerald and Melvin too, they're totally her flunkies," Ruby interjected.

"… Child you _need to stop that_."

"I _thought _she looked familiar," Ironwood said, nodding.

"We've never even met before!"

"I passed you in the hall once. You're kind of distinctive, with the giant hair, and the shiny golden eyes."

"Like a demon!" Ruby agreed. "They glow sometimes!"

"You probably should have worn a mask or something. Maybe even a full helmet," Ironwood said with a nod.

"I _am wearing a mask!_" Cinder screeched.

"Well, if you wanna call it that," Ironwood said.

"Really more like a pair of thick glasses," Ruby agreed.

"I… that… you! Oh, you two are just _desperate _to make this go _wrong _for me, aren't you? You're doing this on purpose!" Cinder snarled.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Ironwood said.

"I'm doing it a _little _on purpose, but only because of that time I dropped my books in the hall and you stepped on them instead of helping me pick them up," Ruby said.

"She did that?" Ironwood asked. "Seems kind of petty."

"Wicked Bitch of the East," Ruby said, nodding sagely.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..." Cinder growled, flame coming to her palms as her dominatrix outf-I mean, 'spy catsuit' glowed orange.

"It _glows_?" Ruby asked in disbelief.

"Oh, she's _clearly _stealth incarnate," Ironwood drawled.

"I'm not trying to be stealthy anymore. I'm trying to _kill you_," Cinder said softly, stepping forward, swords of black glass coming to her hands. She prepared to lunge…

And the elevator dinged again, Glynda and a squad of armed guards inside.

"So, I did mention that I hit the silent alarm when I entered the tower and saw all those guards you beat the crap out of, right?" Ironwood asked. "Because I did."

"… Oh. Well then."

(*)

Emerald and Mercury danced, the latter smirking in utter triumph and the former doing her best to stomp his feet as often as she could. If he noticed, he clearly didn't care.

"This is taking too long. She should be back at the dance by now," Emerald muttered.

"_Relax_. She's going to be fine, we both know it. I mean, even if someone saw her, she's in disguise."

"… Yeah, _about _that…" Emerald began, stopping only when a hand politely tapped her on the shoulder. Sighing in relief, she turned to greet Cinder…

And saw the tiny redheaded girl with freckles who had been doing the robot in the corner, smiling up at her.

"Um… can I help you?" Emerald asked in confusion.

"Yes, please!" the girl said, her tone cheerful and subtly off. "My name is Penny, and Mr. Ironwood said I'm supposed to ask you politely to come with me to be arrested, please. Well, he didn't say _exactly _that, but father did say that politeness is its own reward, so I thought I would add some politeness to the request."

"… Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously!" Penny said, nodding happily that she had been understood so well. "Now, you are arrested, so please come with me for incarceration. And after that, maybe I can visit you in prison and we can do each other's nails!"

Mercury, looking more bemused than anything else, said, "And if I told _you _that we're not coming with you? And in fact, if our cover is blown we have no reason not to start killing people and slip out in the confusion."

"I would be very sad," Penny said. "So thank you very much for not doing that!"

"… We _are _doing that," he said, very slowly so she would understand him.

"Oooooooooh," Penny said, her eyes widening in comprehension. "Well, that is un-fortunate. I suppose I will have to resort to secondary directives regarding fugitives resisting arrest." Her eyes began to glow red, and as she looked up at Emerald and Mercury, their pupils shifted form to become a pair of crosshairs. "_**Target Locked. Genocide Mode initiated. This is a live-fire zone, all civilians please clear the area." **_

"Wait, whAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGLLK" Emerald said.

From the other side of the dance floor, Weiss Schnee winced as she watched the tiny freckled thing Ruby liked so much mauling two of the dancegoers. "Well. Not exactly how I was hoping the evening would go."

"On the plus side, the punch is _great,_" Yang offered. "And the fog machine was a big hit."

"Not really the machine I'm worried about, Yang," Weiss hissed.

"Um, why is Penny using her… 'genocide mode' on those two exchange students?" Blake asked as she walked up, speaking loudly to be heard over Mercury screaming like a girl.

"Oh, who knows with her? I didn't even know she _had _a 'genocide mode.'" Weiss said irritably.

Yang grinned suddenly. "Well, it's really more like a… _Penn_-ocide mode!"

"… … … Please don't talk," Blake said.

"I swear, if she gets blood on my doilies, I will have her repurposed as a dishwasher…" Weiss muttered, trying to pretend Yang didn't exist.

Yang huffed. "Well not _my _fault I'm the only funny one."

_**Twenty-eight soul-cleaving minutes later…**_

Emerald, Mercury, and Cinder sat in their jail cells in silence. Well, except for the occasional groans of pain as one or more of them moved too hard. Or breathed. The silence was deep, dark, and awkward as Hell, until finally Mercury said, "You… do realize that none of this would have happened if you'd just worn an actual disguise, ri-"

"_Don't. Start." _


End file.
